Sunday, August 11, 2013

Am I the only one who completely doesn’t care about my preliminary examinations week coming? Instead of fulfilling my OJT journal to be passed tomorrow on short notice, I still chose to watch an amazing 2003 movie—How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Because in line with the lesson-filled film is my conversation with Pau this afternoon:
Me: Narealize ko din na big part of the end was my mistake. Sabi mo nga, “Ang hirap mo maging girlfriend.”
Pau: Really? You think so? Ikaw yung may bigger mistake dun sa pag-end? Feeling ko lang talaga.
Me: Hindi naman bigger? Pero I think equal lang kami? Pero siguro root cause yung part ko?
Pau: And what was that root cause?
Me: Ako? My attitude, perhaps? I was dependent on him. Parang yung iba na my world revolved on him alone. Yuck.
Pau: Really? Clingy!
Me: Oo, clingy ako. And pangit pala yun. I mean, nakakalose ng interest.
Pau: Oo, too much is not good! Balanced lang dapat.
Nope, no regrets! But no love either. Just an acknowledgement of a mistake.

I have been too vulnerable. It was as if I couldn’t stand on my own feet or like I wouldn’t last a day without him kind of dependency. I projected too much neediness. I was extremely clingy. And it was absolutely not normal.

Supported by Andie, she said on her way with Michelle and Jeanie to a bar to look for a guy ‘to lose in 10 days,’ “Basically, everything we know guys hate. I’ll be clingy, needy, touchy-feely.” Er, yep, everything I was before. Was I the only one who didn’t know I was actually everything guys could ever hate?

Lesson learned though!