7 Steps to Moving On

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

I am here to talk about schlepping through heartache.

I am pretty sure that most of us suffered from the tormenting feeling at least once in our lives. A person leaving is unavoidable and so is the pain he or she leaves us with. It doesn’t matter whether it’s someone you were together for a long time or someone you never even dated. Today, I would like to share to you the Seven Steps to Moving On I made, which was inspired by Vikki Stark from Psychology Today.

First, accept that the relationship is really over (even if it ironically hasn’t started at all). Putting hope in a room where there is no space just prolongs the pain. Accept the truth even if it’s stranger than fiction.

Second, recognize that you won’t feel miserable for the rest of your life (unless you choose to). Time heals all wounds, and while you’re in the midst of it, you might not be able to realize that. However, it can also be all in the mind. Keep a positive outlook that tells, “Maybe not today, but one day, I will feel better.”

Third, understand that your “past” has changed (and may be beyond caring for your welfare). Like a person leaving, change is inevitable. As we all know, it is the only permanent thing in the world. People come and go, understand that nobody will stay in your life forever.

Fourth, give up trying to get the apology you think you deserve. He has changed and he doesn’t care about you anymore. Perhaps, he has even forgotten about your existence. Stop sending him ten (10) messages a day. Stop calling him when you’re drunk. Closure isn’t for everyone.

Fifth, turn your focus from the past to the present. Concentrate on better things and have no time looking back. Plan activities that will make your week productive. Appreciate what you have now and leave what you had yesterday.

Sixth, celebrate your new life as a person. Welcome independence once again, and go out with your family and friends. Rekindle the friendships you lost when you were busy with your ex. Have fun, I’m sure he’s having fun with his new life too.

And lastly, never be afraid to fall in love the nth time around. There is no limit in love. While you’ve moved on and you are now enjoying your life, never consider closing your doors or building tough walls…because true enough, the only remedy for heartbreak is to love again.

(Speech Power, May 19, 2014, ECF3)