I Love You Goodbye

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Today, I decided to torture myself through looking back for the last time. I reviewed the remaining pieces left with me that serve as evidence of everything. I reread our year-long conversations and I was reminded of the things I tried hard enough to forget and succeeded.

How we began was honestly out of my memory folder for a long, long time. And now, it was restored and I remember the beginning and everything else that followed. How you got my number, how your first message looked like, how your first “good night” made me feel tingly (not to mention until now), how we got to know each other aka the inexcusable exchanges of vulnerability, how your “I love you” sounded like, how you showed you care (and don’t), how we let each other in our own differing worlds, how we went on and off like a flashing Christmas light, how you made me believe in forever and the way we spent it together, and immeasurable I-have-no-words-fors.

I remember everything. Now. But I’ve settled on a plan of action that despite the infinite goodbyes we’ve had because we were eager to still speak and we didn’t want an end yet, I have to say goodbye. I have to say goodbye for the betterment of both of us. We no longer grow together. We still have our priorities that aren’t congruent.

Trust me, I want you back. I love you. But I have to say goodbye.

See you next times aren’t guaranteed, so since you’ve left The Past first and I was left in that room for quite a time, I realized it is about time not to follow you outside, but to leave the place as well and go to the direction where I really should head. In case we meet, okay. But if we don’t, at least I’ve already said my farewell.