Sunday, August 3, 2014

I’ve decided to play one of the last cards I have tonight. Bahala na.

Dropping hints works for sure. I can only imagine the conversation going on at the other end of the line. My chest literally feels pinned as I recall the words used for me. But I’m sure giving the benefit of the doubt.

I thought it’s already hard to bear to know something that hurts me. Then I learned it’s even more difficult to pretend I don’t know that something that hurts me.

Sometimes, I just don’t know things anymore. I don’t even know what I want, who I want, and why I want them. It’s like dealing with these shitty things aren’t worth a second of my life anymore. But then, these are all part of life.

Or maybe I’m just exhausted of the vicious cycle of trusting and getting disappointed. Thus, I try my best to isolate myself. Since then, it takes like a hundred muscles to put up an upward curve on my face. (I hope that’s not too obvious though.)