Adieu Mon Meilleur Ami

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Pretty Little Liars have taken much of my time since I started my marathon, but it did not make the rough things less rough tonight. All it took was Spencer saying, “You need to stop thinking about [Toby] him as the person you thought you knew and start looking at him for who he really is,” to Emily, which totally felt like being said to me.

I couldn’t stop thinking about how horrible it’s been lately, and I just ran off my best pal who’s sick and has exams this week. I hate how unsure I am of everything. Even this. The longest time we haven’t talked was for about three months, which felt like years.

Before that, if I remember clearly, we’ve had arguments and a lot of petty fights before we began drifting apart. I honestly didn’t quite mind because for all I know, he’s one of the friends I would always be in good terms with after a little fight. But crazy as it seems, things are getting different and they are not what I thought they were.

This week opened with a denial state—me not accepting that things cannot be the same as they were when we still shared the same classes and went together during breaks and after dismissal time; me refusing the idea that I’ve just lost yet another friend before I’ve even knew it. And the efforts we poured do not seem to matter anymore because we’ve had more quarrels than agreements and we barely reconcile.

I sincerely hope this is temporary. That we will be good friends again someday soon. But for now, I’m really done trying and I’m okay that I’ve told him my farewell. To be honest, no matter how many times we see each other and talk until dawn every day, it still felt like there’s a wall half built. As much as we want to try, it just doesn’t seem to work well.

I will miss you, but adieu, mon meilleur ami.