Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Only almost four months into 2018, and I already feel like I have screwed up half of my life.

With all the tangled mess I’ve done for the past week, my mind constantly ricochets around inferiority and redemption letting myself feel all confident one second and worthless the next.

After that Sunday night, when my life changed for the worst possible circumstance, I might never be drinking some Horse again (or at least not in the next three years, maybe). I’m trying to take advantage of the “free” time I have this Holy Week, getting some of the “space” I long needed, and I’ve done some thinking. Fine, a lot of thinking...

And I still don’t know. I haven’t figured things out, which is why I’ve decided to start writing here in the attempt to clear my head.

As liberating as it felt, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get the tiniest vulnerability I have left. I let my walls down, halfway through, and I’m already reminded why I built them high enough.

But tell me, what have I lost, really?

Whether things work out the way the world wants to or they end nobody hopes for, at least we know? At the very least, there won’t be what ifs in the future?

We can hope without expecting, anyway. Letting Him take charge on this one.