Not-So-Beautiful Nightmare

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Is it a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare?,” Beyoncé sings. “Could it be just me or the world really deluges me with a lot of worries?,” I ask.

It is typical for me to have a more active mind at night than in the morning. Not that I am a nocturnal person, but it is just really hard to control the things that get into my brain. And once I start thinking, it is very difficult to stop.

On the other hand, I can still condition myself in getting rid of sleepless nights when schooling for the year starts again. Except for this one. For the past few days, I was not having a difficulty to sleep early or on time, but rather I was having bad dreams or better called, nightmares. Maybe I also had nightmares before, but not as simultaneous as recently’s occurrence. Different nightmares appeared in my sleep for three or four consecutive nights. It is very unusual.

I have no idea what could be the cause of these nightmares. Could it be paranoia? Theft has been happening around our village since last month. Around four houses were stolen expensive things or large amount of money every night. The news had affected me so much. Although I know that our house is secured enough, I, myself, do not feel such. “What if I wake up and everything is gone, so is everyone?” and all other what if’s drown me each night.

Or could it be some sort of phobia? It is probably the one that has not invented a specific name yet. It is probably the one people call, “fear of losing someone.” It was never this consistent when I think of that person finally having romantic relationship with this girl. I just cannot imagine. Or I definitely do not want to. Ngayon pa lang na iniisip ko yun, hindi ko na alam kung ano dapat kong maramdaman. Paano pa kung mangyari na mismo yun? Insane.

Maybe, just maybe, it could be my physical condition that affects my orientation and drives me crazy, yes? I had high fever last Thursday, and was not feeling well until Sunday morning. Cough, colds, sore throat, headache, nausea, and chest pain are all I have been experiencing since then. There sure is cure for everything, so I hope this is just the root cause of all these not-so-beautiful nightmares.

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