An Open Letter To All First Loves

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Dear You,

It started with a little crush, grew into an infatuation, fell into a “love.” You were my first—first date, first holding hands, first kiss, first love, first heartbreak.

I did not know it was love until I realized I was doing things I barely could before I knew you. I have never even asked for anything in return but for you to reciprocate the time and love I shared with you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, yet the best thing I never had.

You taught me things that molded me into the person I am now; you taught me things I can never unlearn. You inspired me to accomplish the work I truly despised. You pushed me to my limits, you showered me strength, and you supported me in everything. You were there when I needed you the least and the most.

We were good, until one day you became cold. I never asked, so I never understood why. Then you just vanished, out of reach.

News said you were with someone else. Someone I never expected you to be with. Someone I wished was me. I wanted to wait for you, but I saw you were quite happy with her. Both of you flashed smiles like no one else in the world existed, like the reflection we displayed when we were in good terms.

Then someone arrived into my messy life to lift me up. He made me happy, he made laugh, he made sure I was okay, except not in the way that you did. But he also did not make me cry like you did.

I got over you not because the other man occupied the space you used to fill, but because I just woke up one day and all the feelings I had for you disappeared. I was glad, after months of getting drunk trying to forget you, I can finally say that I have moved on. Then you broke up with her. And you started calling me again.

I loved you. Maybe there would still be the drops of feelings I had for you, the one that would never be gone as part of the idea that first love never dies, but I no longer do.

Anyway, I am happy you have become part of my life. I thought I was the best when I was with you and that I had everything when you were there. I could have been good with you, but I realized I am so much better off without. Thank you.

I hope we will bump into each other one day and get a coffee sometime. Even though you have broken my heart, you will always be my first love.