Thursday, June 11, 2015

“I will be that one guy who will never break up with you, and you will be that one girl who will never break up with me. Best friends forever.”

One day I just woke up with my eyes swollen from crying. I had a nightmare that we were fighting—actually fighting, far from our usual playful bickering. We threw each other words we never thought we would say that hurt more than being fired with an actual bomb. I was tired, I wanted the arguing to end. So I told you, with mixture of frustration and hopelessness, to stop.

“Stop talking to me! Do not come to my office or my house! Do not call me at all,” I yelled. Deeply, I was just overpowered by my emotions. I only meant it to last at that very moment. But I have said them. There was no way to get them back. And to my surprise, what really triggered the tears to fall like rain indistinguishable from waterfalls was what you said to me.

“Okay, I will never talk to you again.”

And then I just opened my eyes hung over the ugly cry. I was still trying to grasp air from what it has brought making it all hard to breathe. It was not real, but it sure felt like it totally was.

I realized then maybe the dream was better than the everyday struggle of not knowing where I stand. At least there, on the other side of the world, we got to tell each other what has been going on in our heads all along. At least in that moment, even if it was the worst that could possibly happen, we do not have questions we constantly look the answers for. At least in that very dream I know you really would not fight for our friendship, for me. At least now I know we are not really the people who will never break up with each other neither are we best friends forever.